well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so let's talk penis.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
