I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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