I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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