respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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