my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
