Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
