everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
