It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Randomize
