We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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