Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
