I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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