i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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