I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
jump out the window naked night went bad
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize