My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm sobbing to NWA
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
