In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
