Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
