when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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