So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
