Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
