worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
