I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
