Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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