That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
