i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
