I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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