he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
