Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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