I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
