shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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