no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
