she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
where am i from again
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
