Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
