So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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