...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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