Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
