You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize