Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
