also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
