garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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