HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
