"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
