ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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