I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
