Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
