There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize