Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
