Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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