how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
