NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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