if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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