Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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