so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
