so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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