You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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