new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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