She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize