wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I had to cum in my sink.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize