everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
