drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
