Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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