She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Randomize
